Today my heart is heavy.

Last Saturday am, I was talking to my Mom back east.  We usually talk at least once a week about nothing and everything.  During our conversation,  an image flashed into my brain from a dream I had had earlier that morning.  The image startled me because it jumped right into my stream of consciousness without context, revealing a bright blue sky,  a big tree in the background and a landscape of long, lush green grass with people standing in a cluster, looking forward in the same direction. It was a warm and comforting image that I immediately recognized as Heaven in my dream.  And that is all there was.

photo credit: farm4 static on Flickr

Minutes later, my phone buzzed and I turned it on to discover a text message from one of my best friends saying that the cancer was back.  A close friend, who had fought breast cancer before and kept it at bay for more than 2 years, had just learned that it found its way in to her liver and bones.

Doubt. It immediately seeped in and I wish I could make it go away. That I could squash it and the sickness that has weakened this amazing young woman, mother and friend.

Sadness. My heart is very heavy and underneath it all, I feel a pang of anger.  Moms should be off limits until they have lived through all the boo-boos, and crushes to the wedding planning and grandchildren. Kids need their Moms. They do. And this time, this mother just doesn’t know if she has it in her to fight or if it is a fight she can even win.

All I can do is pray that this will all be okay in a way that I just can’t see right now and be grateful for the day before me, my sweet family, my loving friends and the frosty green grass beneath my feet.

Etsy for Invites

Etsy is a great place to find unique wedding invitations.  Many of the designers will also create an invite for you based on your personal style and wedding theme.   Here are a few pics of some faves that I found on Etsy.   The first two are from CheerupCherup and the last is from designer, Paper Stories.  My style: fresh, whimsical and always romantic.

Perfect for a winter wedding

Perfect for a winter wedding

Whimsical summer wedding

Whimsical summer wedding

Sexy, nerdy love notes

Sexy, nerdy love notes

Instyle Wedding Gowns 2008-2009

Instyle Wedding Editors have plucked some amazing dresses right off the runway for this season’s dream dress list. Here are a few of my faves:

Love this A-Line Gown by Amsale

Destination Fave made of Ivory Silk Charmeuse by Terry Keely

Lacey Strapless Monique Lhuiller gown

Off the shoulder ballgown by Vineyard Collection

Alvina Valenta’s Ivory Silk A-line Crumb Catcher

Short & Sweet for the Modern Bride, Reverie by Melissa Sweet

Carolina Herrara ruched, embroidered on the shoulder dress is romantic

Bridesmaid Gifts

I wanted something unique for each of my bridesmaids because they all represent different phases in my life and have been there to support me at every turn.  I am very blessed to have such amazing friends and was really happy to have 9 of them standing beside me on my wedding day.

After almost a year of trying to figure out what to get my bridesmaids, I finally decided on 9 different silver necklaces, which I found at Blue Ruby made by local designers, 9 different books that I thought each may enjoy and 9 USB keys with a playlist of songs that reminded me of each of them saved on each drive.  It wasn’t easy.  It took time but in the end, I was happy with the gifts.

My Favorite Wedding Weekend Moments.

Our wedding weekend was so fun, I would love to do it all over again.  The best part of it all was having my closest friends and family in the same place for a long weekend.  Here are 25 of my other favorite moments.  D has his own list and I am sure you have yours.   Thanks for making it so memorable for me.  Please share your favorite moments with me in the comments and links to photos if I have not seen them yet.

  1. Wednesday night. Having drinks and dinner with Karla and my Mom on the rooftop deck at Saltaire (go for the view, not the food). It was a beautiful August evening with two of my favorite people.
  2. Breakfast with Jamie, Mindy, Sis and Karla in Horseshoe Bay en route to Vancouver Island.
  3. Pulling in the driveway at D’s parent’s place, Thursday afternoon only to turn around and be airlifted and bear hugged by D’s best friend from RI, Dan Reagan.
  4. Thursday night in Mill Bay – playing bocce ball with Frannie, Mike, Tall Dan and Big Dan and winning. I was on Frannie’s team.
  5. Mike & Michelle and Christina and Mark arriving at the house on Thursday.  It had been a while since I had seen them.
  6. Sitting in the kitchen on Thursday night with Christina and Mark while David tried to convince me to walk down the aisle to MC Hammer’s classic “Can’t Touch This” and Here Comes the Bride.  He said if I did, he would rent a plane and write “I told her to do that…” in the sky.
  7. D explaining the rules of the Car Rally and teaming everyone up in random groups of 3 and 4.  None of our friends and family truly knew what a car rally was or what they were in for that day.  D and his Dad organized the entire thing together and it was so much fun.  Julie M. said “Happy Wedding Day, Dan!”  He was so happy. This was his day.
  8. Seeing Karla & Kevin arrive at the BBQ/rehearsal dinner in a RV (no small feat and a whopping 50 extra bonus points), hearing all the tales from the day and seeing some pretty funny photos and videos – priceless.
  9. Playing a very eh-hemm, heated game of Thumper after the BBQ, where J shocked us all. 🙂  The group started off small and people kept joining in until everyone who was left in the house was playing the game.
  10. Saying good-bye to D in the kitchen the night before our wedding after he told me how he was going to kiss me at the altar.  Wow!
  11. Standing on the balcony with Dan Reagan, catching up and reminiscing before crashing into bed at 3am.  So much for going to bed early the night before our wedding.
  12. Breakfast at John’s Place in Victoria, BC with all of my bridesmaids and my Mom. It was such a special morning for me, surrounded by my closest girlfriends.
  13. Taking over the Fix Hair Garage while we got our hair done for the wedding.
  14. Driving back over the Malahat right into a big dark rain cloud and hearing Robin say as her windshield wipers were swishing furiously back-and-forth – “Don’t worry. It’s not raining…”
  15. Getting dressed with Jack, not my bridesmaids, in my mother-in-law’s closet.
  16. Watching Emma & Journs walk down the aisle sprinkling petals on the grass.  I told them I wouldn’t have been able to find my way to the altar without them.  They were so beautiful and happy.
  17. Walking down the aisle in the rain while my Mom and Jack both stepped on my dress.  It was real life and it distracted me.
  18. Saying my vows and listening to D’s promises to me.  I was so happy, I couldn’t stop smiling.
  19. The rain stopped after the ceremony and 3 rainbows appeared.  Dhoris said “That’s god’s blessing.  I did feel so blessed.
  20. The toasts on the back deck.
  21. Group hug with Mindy, Holly & Mirvy on the back deck.
  22. Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy – If you were there, you know what I am talking about. Our DJ, Tony was AWESOME!  The best dj I have ever seen at a wedding. If you can book him, don’t hesistate.
  23. Dancing and crying to the “The Luckiest...” and dancing with my Mom to Nat King Cole.
  24. The late night meatball sandwiches in the kitchen. Big thank you to Sis for making all 70 of them and Jon for tending to them so lovingly.
  25. Going to sleep as Mrs.Robinson and waking up to Mr. Robinson’s eggers and Boris’s hi-def bacon.