Today my heart is heavy.

Last Saturday am, I was talking to my Mom back east.  We usually talk at least once a week about nothing and everything.  During our conversation,  an image flashed into my brain from a dream I had had earlier that morning.  The image startled me because it jumped right into my stream of consciousness without context, revealing a bright blue sky,  a big tree in the background and a landscape of long, lush green grass with people standing in a cluster, looking forward in the same direction. It was a warm and comforting image that I immediately recognized as Heaven in my dream.  And that is all there was.

photo credit: farm4 static on Flickr

Minutes later, my phone buzzed and I turned it on to discover a text message from one of my best friends saying that the cancer was back.  A close friend, who had fought breast cancer before and kept it at bay for more than 2 years, had just learned that it found its way in to her liver and bones.

Doubt. It immediately seeped in and I wish I could make it go away. That I could squash it and the sickness that has weakened this amazing young woman, mother and friend.

Sadness. My heart is very heavy and underneath it all, I feel a pang of anger.  Moms should be off limits until they have lived through all the boo-boos, and crushes to the wedding planning and grandchildren. Kids need their Moms. They do. And this time, this mother just doesn’t know if she has it in her to fight or if it is a fight she can even win.

All I can do is pray that this will all be okay in a way that I just can’t see right now and be grateful for the day before me, my sweet family, my loving friends and the frosty green grass beneath my feet.